From the back of my mind,
Images, blurry with feelings.
As if a suit of past emotion and feeling
Has been strapped onto me by invisible hands.
Touching, searching, scraping me.
Drilling into me who I am and am not.
The ache inside grows larger
As I struggle against this imposed suit of happy skin.
So much thought, I can't speak a word,
The words seem ready as they swim through my head,
But I open my mouth to voice my declaration,
Nothing comes out.
by Mara McWilliams
What's it like to always be racing'
In your house,
About the office.
Time slipping by as obsessive thought overtake your mind.
No refuge for the manic.
You might think alcohol,
But oh no!
I tried that.
Not much left I haven't said or done
To just be among the vast majority.
But never fit.
Too big, too small,
Too scandalous to be considered and all the while
My mind is adding up, dividing, and finding the square foot of your license
Didn't daddy teach you this?
Son, don't judge a book by its cover.
Of course he did,
Yet there you are.
Check it out.
I am all this,
That and more!
Why is it those who have super minds
and can tune into the subtlest human emotional fluctuation
become known as society's dregs?
By Mara McWilliams
...mUcH MoRe ThAn BiPoLaR
bi mARa McWiLlIaMs
Spiritual Being created in love by the Universe for the Universe.
Daughter, to the Divine Goddess and God above.
Mother, to the biggest blessing life can offer, a precious daughter.
Sister, to a younger brother whom I miss very much.
Aunt, to a beautiful niece and nephew with whom I'd like to bond with.
Lover of nature, rocks, trees, streams, rocks, and the ocean.
Lover of the Elements - water, fire, earth, air, spirit.
Pisces from beginning to end in the fullest sense of the definition )-(
Lesbian - finally fully realizing my worth, my preferences, my sexuality
In Love with a woman who is helping me recover my spirit
Cutter - Self-mutilator, RECOVERING (though I never thought possible)
But no one is worth me hurting myself!
Insatiable - always willing to go safely to the next sensual level
Very Wacky in a fun loving way
Pagan - in love with Mother Earth, Sun, Moon, stars and all other planets.
In tune with lunar cycles and energy fluctuations.
Writer, poet, fiction novelist, song lyricist.
Dreamer who gets lost in worlds full of vibrant colors and visual challenges.
Artist, visionary - acrylics, watercolor, colored pencils - vibrant
expressions of self
Student of life - never prepared, but always willing to learn a new lesson,
pain and all.
Alcoholic, RECOVERING. Thank the Universe!
Anorexic- working on little meals throughout the day and finding I am healing.
Bipolar & on meds but still riding the wave because there's nothing else
for one to do.
Borderline - but self-learning cognitive behavior therapy to alter my
reactions to similar situations and circumstances
Delusional, hearing lil' whispers calling me by birth name before I drift
Spastic, hyper, bouncy red rubber ball hip hoppin' off the walls
Bisexual - a mask to hide my true sexuality
Atypical- not caring one way or the other
Asexual - preferring to not be intimate with anyone at all
Grandiose, believing I can conquer the world.
Deflated, because I know I can't.
Exhausted, not having the energy to open my lids.
Lonely, sometimes just wanting to cry and hide under a snuggly down comforter
on a big huge bed with lots and lots of pillows.
Vain - milking my looks before they go away,
Yet fearful I've never had them anyway.
Reclusive, puzzled by the so-called sanity outside my door:
Arsons, Mutilations, Murders Child molestationsÉ
Honking cars, Traffic Jams, too much out there -
Inside here is preferable, where I am sure of who I am
And who I can become.
By Mara McWilliams
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