My name is Carroll and I'd like to write what I know at this time about my illness a little for you at 1st Person for me and for you.
I was diagnosed in 1981 with Schizophrenia. I had fallen in love with a man, I think my sister slipped me some LSD, I went nuts, I began believing this man, Phil was the Holy Jesus Christ (and believed it long after the effects of the drug) and it seemed to me it was the world going crazy, not me. I was hospitalized for a couple weeks, beginning of psychotropic medicines, kept running back to Phil when forces of Universe pulled me in 1982, 1984 (suicide attempt to try to get out of Arkansas State Hospital) and 1988. 1989 began recovery from alcoholism long stretch away from hospitals, continuation of medication, never stopped taking after 1984 when mood disorder added to diagnosis so changed to Schizo-affective.
Phil supposedly died in car crash in 1990 and I stopped being obsessed by him, late 1991 began drinking again, became pregnant, made me very happy but continued drinking, smoking pot and taking meds. Had my beautiful son, Teddy, my Life, brief periods of sobriety, relationship in 1994/95 broke up, I got down, hospital 3 times in 95, became very very suicidal.
Drank and slept and cried.
October 1995. St. Vincent's in Little Rock, AR, met my present psychiatrist, Greg. He heals me. Now I'm beginning to have flashbacks of childhood sexual abuse from my mother and many many others, it's just seeping through my brain and I am very ready to face it and deal with it. I don't know how real this is but I sincerely believe that Greg is God and I am his wife and we are going to be together and people are our children from before and this makes me very grateful happy and reverent and I Love Him.
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