I was sixteen years old when my boyfriend turned me onto a hit of LSD 25; this was back in the early 70's! The day after my trip I didn't seem to completely come off of my HIGH! My sister used to have to pinch my leg as I wasn't able to be convinced that life was actually real! I also had obsessive thoughts that I was not able to control but I knew one thing and that was I wanted them out of my head!!!

I begged my mother to send me to a psychiatrist; which I went to for a period of two months! We then moved to the Bay Area which is where I finished High School with a 3.0 GPA! Amazing after all I had been through, mentally, that I could actually concentrate on my school work and graduate with a "B" Average.

My thought disorder went into remission about a year after it first began and I was so happy that I was "normal" again!

Well, much to my surprise, I experienced basically the same episode back in 1985 and this time it was worse. I drank at night after work to try to kill the hellish thoughts inside my mind but the alcohol only intensified them! I began to become more and more depressed and lost all interests in my sporting activities such as Racquetball, bicycling, and Dance Aerobics. My boss and co-workers recognized the dramatic change in me; I even began smoking (3) packs of cigarettes a day.

One Saturday afternoon I went to a bar to play Pool and drink beer; by 8:00pm I had definitely had one too many beers and my friends could not get the car keys away from me. I hit a telephone pole on my way home as I was going down the highway about 50 - 55 mph! I actually crossed traffic and missed hitting a car head on! God was definitely with me that night as it was definitely a wake-up call!

Well, time went on and I left my job of six years and moved back home with my parents; I praise God for them as they were supportive of me, (most of the time). I only got dressed about once a week and that was to go to my Psychiatrist as he continued to work with me and try different medications! Every day I would wake up, go downstairs, stare at the walls, and say, "God, please make tomorrow a better day!" This continued for approximately a year; the deep, dark depression finally lifted and the thought disorder appeared to go away!

Then, about two years later I had a major Manic episode; I had so much energy, it was literally crawling out of my skin!!! I could go on and on about all of my history of mental illness, but today I do consider myself a survivor. I am working full-time and have been for about five years now. I go to my doctor every 3 months for a med check and will probably be on medications for the rest of my life, but I am able to accept that now!

Praise God for every day that I am able to get up, dressed, and get into my car to work a full honest day for pay! When I hear people complain about having to go to work, I just think to myself how fortunate I feel that I am capable once again to be in the workforce and am able to enjoy the things that I once lost the ability to enjoy!

God Bless all of you!

Anon

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