Hi Misha,
Please don't give up on life,I know you hurt and are in pain and it feels like suicide is the only way out. Please beleive me I know, because I am not and outsider looking in, I am just like you I am on the inside. As your words came racing over the message I felt the tug at my heart thinking how badly you are feeling and how things are really hurting you.
The world can be a cold and an uncaring place when it comes to people like us, but please don't feel like you're alone, because there are many of us out here just like you.Your pain is real, because you are sick and it's not your fault, regardless of how much you think it is, It's Not Your Fault! Depression is an illness and your thoughts and pain are not voluntary it's symtoms of the illness.Please don't give up on getting help,because there are some great doctors out there that will listen to you and will do all they can for you. Feeling worthless is another one of the awful symtoms that depression plays havoc with our mind with, it's a tormenter, it's part of the illness but you are not worthless,YOU are a special person and people like me love you and hurt for you and pray for you. I have tried several times to commit suicide, overdosed on medication, had to have my stomach pumped, tried to jump from a third story building, yeh I know it hurts and it hurt's just as bad as you say it does, but please give yourself a chance to get help somewhere else because you are worth it. I can tell you are really a beautiful person inside because really all you want is to be normal and don't want to hurt so much and I don't think thats too much for anyone to ask. Please don't say I don't know how you feel, I'm sorry but I do. I literally deal with depression one day at a time, and you know when I have just one good day I accept it and cherish it and my goal is to live for the next one more real good day and sometimes when I go through days of fiery trials of depression It will let up and there it will be one more good day.Please cherish these special moments, because it gives you something to look forward to, something to live for and who knows the more hope we have the weller we can become. You are on my mind and in my prayers. God Bless Forgotten