It is extremely difficult to live with any mental disorder, I myself have had to deal with depression constantly. I was even prescribed medication for quite a while, although I chose to take myself off of them. Having a place for people to read about others with the same problems and how they deal with them is very comforting, and helpful. But I also think that those who have family members with disorders also need a place to turn.
That is why I am writing this now. So that people like me have an outlet, a place that they can turn to for support and advice. My mother was diagnosed with Bipolar II about ten years ago. I had never heard of it before, and why I waited this long to find out more than what she told me herself about it is beyond me.
I haven't had to live with her throughout my life, my parents divorced when I was only 1 year old. I am 18 now. This must have made it easier on me compared to other people because I could hang up the phone if it got out of control, but it was never easy. I did stay with her for an entire year, actually very soon after she was diagnosed. If I remember correctly, it was during this stay with her that she told me about her illness.
Over the years, I have wanted to talk to other people in the same situation, because I have never known how to talk to and deal with my mother. When she has her mood swings, she can be so irrational and angry. As a child it was very terrifying. Many times, I blamed myself. I thought I wasn't being loving enough. She would tell me that I didn't love her, I didn't care about her. I thought that I must not be doing my job as a daughter if my mother didn't think I loved her.
The scariest part about living with someone with Bipolar is that you never know when it is going to hit. One moment my mom would be acting completely normal. We would be having a good time, playing cards, watching a movie, etc., and something like the power going off, a look in my face, maybe something someone said, would set her off. The night could end in a screaming fit, and we would all be shooed to a relative's house. Or I would run away to my friend's house down the block, or lock myself in my room.
To this day, I try to understand my mother, and see past her illness, without much success. There are moments when I think that I see her for the true loving person she is. But they are far too fleeting. I have been researching, and most places say that medication can help tremendously. That they can relieve the severity of the mood swings, and keep them farther apart. It seems like every time I go to visit my mom. Things start off great, from the excitement of my arrival, but they always turn sour eventually.
My mom has been on medication. I believe she is taking Lithium, and maybe some other things, although she doesn't talk to me much about it. I hardly see much change. I wonder if she is just beyond help, or if she doesn't have the proper medication. I just want to know how to talk to my mother. I hope that I will be able to have a closer relationship with her some day, but I fear that it isn't possible.
Thanks for listening
Andrea