At 18 I decided to seek some help. I knew something wasn't right, and all my efforts to fix the problem myself were useless. I did some reading and found I was not alone.

Called an overachiever in high school. Involved in every club, contest, and event possible. Constant multitasking. Lists everywhere. Anal about everything. High Strung. That was the description my family gave.

MANIC I push, push, compete, do all, run, run, so much to do, so little time. I am queen. Everything I touch becomes gold. What would anyone do without me?

Then CRASH!

MANIC RAPID CYCLE Anxiety, stressed, depressed, very irritable, yelling for no apparent reason at my closest allies, picking fights with parents, siblings, and husband. I love life. I am blessed. Nothing done right. Can do nothing right. The world is against me. I love my life. I hate my life. Shop, must shop. Spend money we don't have. Drink, smoke marijuana, all temporary relief.

Next day---Depression. So tired. Don't want to do anything. Let me sleep. Sad for no reason. Angry at myself, life, and family. What's wrong with me.

There are so many moments when I love the Manic states. It was in this state I won every competition, good grades in school, family was content, job good.

Trying to even out the moods is long and trying. Doctors in my area are all misinformed or not very knowledgeable about the disease and treatment.

Just when my family found a few weeks of relief and there were some promising results from the drug celexa--

BANG!

I AM PREGNANT. All drugs and treatment must stop. I had a good pregnancy for the most part. Hit some ups and downs when Pre term delivery started at 25 weeks and continued until 37 weeks when the doctors finally let me deliver. The anti labor drugs made the downs worse.

Hard time keeping jobs, family and friends are very understanding but terribly frustrated.

I AM ONLY 21!

Baby is 9 weeks old now, going to ween from breast feeding and try to start some drug therapy again wish me luck! I wish you luck.

Heather

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