I've met the twins also, they stand before and behind me. Manic says I need to get off this computer and perform, perform. Make my husband happy and do the dishes, and clean the house, but Depression is here today the strongest. It was a bad day at work yesterday, and though no one is responsible for my mental state, my boss was abusive and mean spirited. Others could throw this off, maybe....but one of my few friends has called and is worried about me, she is upset about what my boss did, so maybe I am allowed to feel the hurt. I worked so hard to get back to work after a year on disability, but now my med's are back up again. Next week I go see a shrink again after 2 years of freedom from one.
The dark shadow is happy again, lots of attention. Such a worthless day today, oh how I wish someone could come and help me focus on moving my world around, I need some activity.
Last night, I was hyper, ready to take off and go on vacation, run away, "blow" as a friend put it. My boss had triggered an episode which today I still pay for. Today the energy is low, and the house is awful to move around in. It is hot, but I don't want to get up and put on the air.
No God today, can't reach Him. To much noise in my head. No family except my husband, they don't like me. I can't blame them, how do I fit in? I am just like my mother, only she does not see her illness, it's all in my head......God is punishing me you know. If I were better, I would have a sound mind. She is perfect you know. She is never wrong, she is the best. Now where do I go? To the pills of course, I am not abusing them, oh no, just back to where I had come from, down and then up. Take the pills, pray it will be over soon, and hide so no one realizes how seriously ill I am today. Tomorrow I go back to work. To the boss who makes mean comments, and brings up sexual topics, and a variety of horrid other things. Why do I put up with this? Because I am un able to help myself.
No, you are not alone.Return to main page