I read your article. It's good to hear that you are feeling better on Lustral. I've taken anti depressants for just over two years and I feel alot happier. Now I feel im ready to come off them entirely having reduced the dose by half in the last four months.

However I feel alot of the reason that I feel better is also to do with my lifestyle. When I first had a breakdown two years ago I felt suddenly extremely weak, tired and exhausted. I found it almost impossible to get out of bed in the mornings. I also felt a strange sinking feeling everytime I woke up which I think was due to the psychological causes of having lost my job and to some degree my sanity and also the battle I faced everyday trying not to give into the bulimia which I also suffered from. If it was left to me I would have stayed in bed all day or at least rarely have ventured out because I felt very fragile around other people and also because I was borderline psychotic and felt that people didn't like me and that I was a bit of a freak.

Luckily I have very strong, loving and persistant parents who refused to let me give up and hasselled me all the time to get up and do things with the day. At first I hated the intrusion and resented them and occaisionally id get angry and tell them to leave me alone, but they never did, but instead encouraged me to go to their office everyday. At the start it felt like a real charade(to be there doing nothing while everyone else was working) and id find a desk in the corner away from everyone else and struggle to concentrate on the newspaper. There was nothing I knew how to do so id read and occassionally do the odd job for them. But slowly I learnt to do other things and taught myself to master their desk top publishing programme. Eventually I was doing all their itineries, brochures and newsletters and everyday I was busy(sometimes too busy) and I was happy to be doing something that was useful and benefited my own and their well being. Being with other people really helped as well to gradually help me to feel part of society again. If you are anything like me, staying at home on your own too much isn't a good idea. Perhaps if you feel strong enough maybe you should try to get a voluntary job in a place where you like the environment and find the work stimulating. With a voluntary job you can take it as slow as you like - just a couple of hours a week - take as many cigarrette breaks as you like (maybe you'd have to take work breaks instead of cigarette breaks) and come and go as you please just so long as you get the job done. And the nice thing is, is that they love you being there and they are all really friendly. I think it might help you to enjoy the world more because you get to meet people who work in something that interests you and it helps to bring you back into society and it can be interesting and fun.

I'm writing this because although the medication works I dont think that it alone can bring you happiness and sometimes a change in your lifestyle might also help.

If your interested you can try the Richmond Volunteers Bureau in Princes Street Richmond. (It's behind Waitrose) They have hundreds of organisations on their books all around the borough and you should find something that interests you and will be really appreciated. But maybe your getting somewhere with your book project and maybe that will help you do all the things I've mentioned.

I'm writing as if I'm cured but theres still a long way to go. But your piece just inspired me to write and tell you some of the things that helped me to feel happier.

Shona

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