The Curse of Having a mental Illness!!!
It all started When I turned 14. We had just move to a small town in upstate New York . I have never been one to make friends very easily, so when my illness began they said it was just plain depression. I started 9th grade in the high school, and thought all right if I get into any trouble, I'll have my older brother there to protect me. How wrong was I . He treated me like the big embarrassment. Then one day i took a bunch of pills in a bottle to school. I even slipped in some of big brothers asthma medication, thinking that he would feel bad because it was his medicine. I took over 80 Tylenol, and like 30 asthma pills. My so called friend just laughed at me and said, " go ahead no one cares any way " so I went ahead and the next thing I know i am in the guidance councilors office waiting on an ambulance. My mother rushed there and asked why , and my dad showed up and after the doctors left from pumping my stomach , he said " Can I cry now? Or did you just want to kill me to?" Always the person to make you feel like crap my dad had a way of making you feel like everything that was wrong with him was your fault. Real good at that reverse psychology. Any way I move my junior year to a new school still farther upstate NY and i got mixed up in the wrong crowd. My best friend Wendy and I always hung out on the local military base. And lets just say there wasn't a barracks that didn't know who we were.
We were real popular with the boys out there and had some scares , but i made it through that part ok , only to come home one day and find that my mother just up and leaves not telling anyone. I was now a daughter, maid , and mother to my 8 year old sister. and did i mention that my dad started drinking again. Well I was about to give up and try suicide again when I met this guy, He let me borrow his truck, gave me money, just about anything i ever wanted. And I said that it here is my way out of this mess, I'll just marry this guy and things will be great, I'll get to do anything that i want and not have a father or sister to worry about. What a freaking joke i must have been!!!
I got married a week after I graduated, and had a baby one year later, and moved 6 months after that to the mid west. Now my father has moved here, my 15 yr old sister is here and i am still taking care of them as well. I have another baby, and I feel like i am losing my mind. I have a disastrous marriage, and i hate myself everyday. I must have tried all the medication available for this bipolar but nothing helps. I want to leave but if i do i will lose my children, because my husbands family is rich, and they say i am an unfit mother. So that is my life in a nut shell , and maybe soon it be over!!!!!!
Anon
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