I am 23 and have only this year properly received help for my recurring depression. It hit my bad this year (2001) I was suicidal most days and work was a nightmare. It doesn't help that my job was extremely drab. To make matters worse I suffer from Social Anxiety and can be extremely shy that it is painful at the best of times.
I am currently taking Efexor 75mg which is slowly helping the depression sort of. I keep getting these periods of rage where I destroy, shout, scream, sob. They happen every couple of weeks or so, and seem to be triggered by silly things like the weather or people irritating me. People irritating me is something I have noticed more this year, god they irritae me. Also, I have "periods of silence", (as my work mate puts it) I just shut off from the real world for hours even days at a time. This is when things really get to me, traffic lights, queues, lack of food, or conversation, blah. This is depression at it's worst for me, I will have thoughts of killing myself and everything feels worthless. Then without warning I will snap out of it, without trying, and start to become absorbed by life, fascinated, create ideas about how I will make an impact on the world. How really I am better then most "normal people", that I am intellectually superior and will go down in history as a "great". I currently believe I am going to write a best selling book that will change the world and how people think. I talk to my workmate more, I change the subject constantly ask non sensicle questions, say silly quotes, repeat myself, blah. I don't feel happy, but excited, sort of. As though something is going to happen....then crash I can hit the bottom again.
Confused.
Colin (UK)
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