I have been diganosed with bi-polar since I was about 23 years old and I
have tried many meds..from
welbrutin...prozac..depakote...zoloft...paxil..
and many other...I have tried suicide by over dosing several
times...tried counseling for about 2 years have been from doctor to
doctor ..have been on company short term disability several times and
was hospitalized once...I have spells from time to time where I fell
down and just dont know where to turn like now..I work a customer
service type job and sometimes helps to talk to others about their
concerns ..but sometimes it does not ..I have had times where I feel so
spaced out with this disorder ..It is all I can do is get out of bed
..maybe take a shower or not ..maybe feel like eating or having to force
myself to eat one meal a day ..loosing wait and gaining weight...my
overall problem is that my parents are the ones that seem to trigger the
problem ...I was physically and emotionally abused as a child..I had
blocked that out for many years till going to therapy..now my parents
are still together but their health is not perfect but they can care for
themselves..and they do live and do things for themselves..I work 7 days
a week so I am a work aholic..otherwise I would be down and out all the
time ..I know that may sound a bit odd but If I dont stay busy all the
time I feel so depressed all I want to do is sleep...My parents are
still emotionally trying to control me and I just wont let them..but
actually they do somewhat ...they con me into feeling guilty..so I do
things for them...When they can do these things for themselves...what
makes it so hard is that I am an only child and I have so much anger
towards my parents ...That I have replaced them with other
parents....that is that most of my friends are at least 50+ and I am
only 27 years old ...I dont know how much longer I can hold onto the
rope till I finally give up and let go into the fire...does anyone have
any suggestions or any kinds words... I am feeling so down right now
all I can do is sit and stare into space and communicate on the internet
..since that is what I do all day long ..it is like again working....
Jim Perry
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