This is a delight to write to all of you who recently became aware of suffering with any type of depression. I have had it since I was a teenager without realizing it. I wondered why I got so angry so easily, why I got frustrated so easily and why I always ran away from decisions or conflict. Until 5 months ago, I finally admitted to with the help of my family doctor that I can't ignore the fact that my headaches, fatigue, loss of appetite, what I was eating and tension are all symptoms of depression. I tried Zoloft for 4 months finding myself only turned into a zombie. It helped calm down my anxiety and anger for awhile but then I got fed up with being that way. Then tried generic prozac only to find myself feeling angry, irritable and the depression worse. A friend suffers from clinical depression and suggested not only to go to God and rely on him for strength, but also to read a book called "natural prozac". This book along with a family therapist have become my answered prayer. The book defines in the simplest way the different types of depression, what they are, how our brain functions without proper levels of necessary chemicals, what triggers the particular depression, diet, lifestyle changes that are needed and the works. I am so grateful as I'm positive all depression sufferer's are.. that depression is not a 'disease' that cannot be treated. It IS a common problem for a lot of people. Since admitting the problem to even complete strangers at different times and different places in my travels, it's amazing just how many people experience one form of depression or another. There are so many of us out there. That ugly little 'liar' of depression makes us believe we are the ONLY one with the weird problem. That's why I thought surfing the net to look for this sort of site would be good. And it was awesome to come across it! Depression is treatable, remember that 20 years ago, it was a 'hush hush' subject. It was considered to be too 'feely' to confront and deal with. Believe me, when I was growing up, I hated the fact that my family didn't allow emotions or feeling or openness to be a part of family goings on. It was very hard. I love to talk about feelings, about the fears I have, the ugly thoughts that whip through my mind. My worst time of suffering, is between 1:30 and 4:30 in the afternoons. That's when I can't eat anything, do anything or get enough support to rid myself of the ugly feelings, the headaches, the fatigue or depression! So I just pray and remember the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians that shared about God giving him a thorn in his side to keep him humble so he would NEED God. I am grateful that God has given me a physical reason to need him. The way I deal with my depression now is simply to stop, close my eyes, lay down for 10 minutes, ask God to give me strength and try really hard to let go and stop thinking all the ugly things that go through my head. Believe, I think of 'what if', and 'why' and all sorts of things that would not surprise you and may totally gross anybody out.
Depression is something alot of us have in one way or another. It's how you admit it, respond to it, fight it and accept it. I have chosen to accept it and manage it. With God's help, I will make it. Thanks for reading this.
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