Recurring anxiety

I am 25 and I got the name of this web-site from a magazine that said I could talk about my problems in a forum type of scenario. I have problems with anxiety and depression I think. I have been to a therapist a few times for a course of weeks etc... I have a hard time controlling my feelings, but I think my biggest fear currently is the more I get involved thinking about problems and talking about them like a support group or therapy the more I focus on my them and the more pain I feel.. (fear of becoming a crazy. clinically).. These words and associations the more current it becomes. Sometimes just saying to myself that time will heal this and that I am going to feel better lifts me up.. (Then I say that's not true I used to have bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts even when I was a teenager) I feel paralyzed by anxiety. Locked to my couch and scared.. I don't know, I blame feeling like this sometimes on these assholes that have been in my life and now I am scared of not being able to handle situations like that again. Insults that people have said that play over and over again in my head really can bring me down.. especially stereotypes.. like wimp, flake.. the question comes up over and over again why would people say such mean things.. friends that are supposed to be supportive.. then deny ever saying things like that and blaming me.. the victim of that for taking things to personally.. when I confront them.. (that's not a good friend). The rage I feel comes through my skin sometimes..


Well that is my story of how anxiety and fear plagues me at times. I always remember that my family really loves me, I am good hearted and compassionate and that most of the time I am just beating myself up for no good reason and the reason people say mean things is that they were probably treated unfairly and for some odd reason everyone gets a good kick out of ripping someone else.. even when it goes over the line sometimes.. I've learned to be quietly assertive though and handle things on a one on one basis instead of resorting to childish acts of retaliation and humiliation. Being an adult has advantages

Joe_S .

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